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| #52 |  (6 votes) |
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If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? |
| #28 | (12 votes) |
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Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny. |
| #53 | (9 votes) |
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Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common? A. They can smell it but they cant eat it! |
| #71 | (18 votes) |
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A blonde gets on the elevator muttering "T.G.I.F., T.G.I.F" over and over. A guy on the elevator looks at her, smiles and replies, "S.H.I.T". The blonde frowns and mutters "T.G.I.F." The guy replies "S.H.I.T." The blonde confronts the man asking "You do know that T.G.I.F. means Thank God It's Friday, right?" The man chuckles and tells her, "Yes. And S.H.I.T. stands for Sorry Honey It's Thursday". |
| #69 | (11 votes) |
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". |
| #7 | (5 votes) |
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A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V. |
| #22 | (2 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping? A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog. |
| #29 | (5 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic? A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass. |
| #36 | (3 votes) |
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Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat ME! |
| #58 | (2 votes) |
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Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female. The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack" "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet" |
| #66 | (1 votes) |
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Yo mama's so stupid she can't pass a blood test. |
| #79 | (3 votes) |
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A man goes to a Doctor for a check up. Doctor examines him and says "I've got bad news. You've got Cancer and Alzheimers". The man replies "thank God I don't have Cancer". |
| #9 |  (9 votes) |
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." |
| #42 | (4 votes) |
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Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck. |
| #76 | (10 votes) |
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There was a guy sitting in a bar having a few drinks. He began looking around the bar and noticed a woman chatting with another guy. After a few moments of chatting the man and the woman walked out together. Five minutes after that the woman came back in again and started talking to another guy. She then left out again with her new guy. The guy sit there and watched her do this several times when he began to think I'm going to get me some of that.
So the next time the woman came in he went over to her and began to chat. Next thing he knew they were outside in the back of her van. They both stripped down naked and he began to eat her out. While he was licking away he got something in his mouth. He pulled it out but couldn't see what it was because it was dark in the van. 'Its nothing' he thought to himself and threw it to the side. Twice more he starting licking her and both times got something in his mouth. The last and final time he thought he recognized the taste so he grabbed his lighter lit it and stuck it in front of her pussy. There were peas and carrots falling all out of her pussy. He looked up at her and said, "Are you sick or something?" to which she replied "No but the guy before you was!" |
| #16 | (3 votes) |
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A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock. A lady asks "What are you dressed as?" He says: "A fireman! You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can." |
| #17 | (6 votes) |
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Q: Why did God invent yeast infections? A: So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt! |
| #51 | (3 votes) |
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Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! |
| #56 | (4 votes) |
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If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have? Two foot of my cock in your ass. |
| #72 | (5 votes) |
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Why Men Are Like Computers 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better model is always just around the corner. 8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. 7. It is always necessary to have a backup. 6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. 5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play. 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 3. The lights are on but nobody's home. 2. Big power surges knock them out for the night. 1. Size does matter. |
| #2 | (10 votes) |
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Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? A. Shine a torch into her ear... |
| #38 | (2 votes) |
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A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife. |
| #40 | (6 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist? A. He got the sack. |
| #54 | (4 votes) |
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Q. Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ? A. 3 Stone |
| #55 | (6 votes) |
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A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?" |
| #68 | (6 votes) |
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Sad news. There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They'd put his left leg in..... and, well, you know the rest. |
| #201 | (9 votes) |
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Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! |
| #14 |  (5 votes) |
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Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef. |
| #33 | (5 votes) |
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Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?" |
| #74 | (16 votes) |
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Q: What's the first sign that you might have AIDS? A: A stabbing sensation in the arse. |
| #18 | (3 votes) |
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Doctor: Do you watch your husbands face while making love? Lady: I did once & saw anger. Doctor: why? Lady: Because he was watching from the window |
| #24 | (5 votes) |
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Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead. |
| #25 | (26 votes) |
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Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb? A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark. |
| #19 | (3 votes) |
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Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. |
| #21 | (5 votes) |
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Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside. |
| #23 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN! |
| #26 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car? A. Don't ask her out again. |
| #31 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later. |
| #32 | (5 votes) |
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Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam. |
| #35 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook. |
| #37 | (4 votes) |
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Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her. |
| #43 | (5 votes) |
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Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel. They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies. The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?" |
| #45 | (2 votes) |
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Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. |
| #49 | (4 votes) |
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A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that. |
| #63 | (4 votes) |
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Q. What does a blonde say after having sex? A. What team do you guys play for! |
| #64 | (3 votes) |
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Your mother is so fat, when she gets on the scale it says, "to be continued". |
| #65 | (3 votes) |
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Your mother is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at the menu and says "okay". |
| #67 | (3 votes) |
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Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. |
| #73 | (9 votes) |
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Some people think you're crazy if you talk to yourself. You're not. You are just eccentric. Some people think you're crazy if you ask yourself questions and answer them. You're not. Your are just a bit more eccentric. But you know you have problems when you ask yourself a question and go "Huh? What did you say?" |
| #11 |  (13 votes) |
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. |
| #62 | (4 votes) |
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Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic? A. You know how many men went down on the titanic. |
| #1 | (10 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy. |
| #15 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? A. The taste! |
| #20 | (2 votes) |
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Q. Where do you find a no legged dog? A. Right where you left him. |
| #41 | (2 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the kid napping? A. Yeah, he woke up! |
| #10 |  (3 votes) |
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. |
| #30 | (7 votes) |
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Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. |
| #61 | (3 votes) |
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Q. What's the similarity between a blonde and a dog's turd? A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. |
| #3 | (9 votes) |
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Three chimps escaped from the zoo. One was caught watching tv, another playing football and the third one was caught reading this message |
| #27 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer? A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once. |
| #39 | (2 votes) |
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Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. |
| #57 | (4 votes) |
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Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs? A: A clit round the ear and a flap across the face |
| #60 | (4 votes) |
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Q. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? A. There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot. |
| #46 |  (3 votes) |
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Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World. |
| #70 | (7 votes) |
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This guy goes into a whorehouse and tells the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time. She sends him up and he meets this deadly blonde chick. She whips down her pants and he starts licking her twat. Minutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblet. Thinking this is normal, as he has never done it before continues eating her out. Minutes pass and he finds a piece of carrot in his mouth. Still thinking this is normal he continues. Soon after he finds a piece of meat and stands up. "Excuse me miss, but are you sick?" She looks at him and replies "No, but the last guy was!" |
| #59 | (8 votes) |
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Q. What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers? A. Nuclear fission. |