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| #201 |  (9 votes) |
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Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! |
| #79 |  (3 votes) |
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A man goes to a Doctor for a check up. Doctor examines him and says "I've got bad news. You've got Cancer and Alzheimers". The man replies "thank God I don't have Cancer". |
| #76 | (10 votes) |
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There was a guy sitting in a bar having a few drinks. He began looking around the bar and noticed a woman chatting with another guy. After a few moments of chatting the man and the woman walked out together. Five minutes after that the woman came back in again and started talking to another guy. She then left out again with her new guy. The guy sit there and watched her do this several times when he began to think I'm going to get me some of that.
So the next time the woman came in he went over to her and began to chat. Next thing he knew they were outside in the back of her van. They both stripped down naked and he began to eat her out. While he was licking away he got something in his mouth. He pulled it out but couldn't see what it was because it was dark in the van. 'Its nothing' he thought to himself and threw it to the side. Twice more he starting licking her and both times got something in his mouth. The last and final time he thought he recognized the taste so he grabbed his lighter lit it and stuck it in front of her pussy. There were peas and carrots falling all out of her pussy. He looked up at her and said, "Are you sick or something?" to which she replied "No but the guy before you was!" |
| #74 |  (16 votes) |
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Q: What's the first sign that you might have AIDS? A: A stabbing sensation in the arse. |
| #73 | (9 votes) |
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Some people think you're crazy if you talk to yourself. You're not. You are just eccentric. Some people think you're crazy if you ask yourself questions and answer them. You're not. Your are just a bit more eccentric. But you know you have problems when you ask yourself a question and go "Huh? What did you say?" |
| #72 | (5 votes) |
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Why Men Are Like Computers 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better model is always just around the corner. 8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. 7. It is always necessary to have a backup. 6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. 5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play. 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 3. The lights are on but nobody's home. 2. Big power surges knock them out for the night. 1. Size does matter. |
| #71 | (18 votes) |
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A blonde gets on the elevator muttering "T.G.I.F., T.G.I.F" over and over. A guy on the elevator looks at her, smiles and replies, "S.H.I.T". The blonde frowns and mutters "T.G.I.F." The guy replies "S.H.I.T." The blonde confronts the man asking "You do know that T.G.I.F. means Thank God It's Friday, right?" The man chuckles and tells her, "Yes. And S.H.I.T. stands for Sorry Honey It's Thursday". |
| #70 |  (7 votes) |
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This guy goes into a whorehouse and tells the mistress he wants to eat out a girl for the first time. She sends him up and he meets this deadly blonde chick. She whips down her pants and he starts licking her twat. Minutes later he feels something in his mouth and spits out a corn niblet. Thinking this is normal, as he has never done it before continues eating her out. Minutes pass and he finds a piece of carrot in his mouth. Still thinking this is normal he continues. Soon after he finds a piece of meat and stands up. "Excuse me miss, but are you sick?" She looks at him and replies "No, but the last guy was!" |
| #69 | (11 votes) |
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". |
| #68 | (6 votes) |
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Sad news. There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They'd put his left leg in..... and, well, you know the rest. |
| #67 | (3 votes) |
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Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. |
| #66 | (1 votes) |
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Yo mama's so stupid she can't pass a blood test. |
| #65 | (3 votes) |
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Your mother is so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at the menu and says "okay". |
| #64 | (3 votes) |
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Your mother is so fat, when she gets on the scale it says, "to be continued". |
| #63 | (4 votes) |
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Q. What does a blonde say after having sex? A. What team do you guys play for! |
| #62 |  (4 votes) |
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Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic? A. You know how many men went down on the titanic. |
| #61 |  (3 votes) |
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Q. What's the similarity between a blonde and a dog's turd? A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. |
| #60 | (4 votes) |
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Q. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? A. There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot. |
| #59 | (8 votes) |
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Q. What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers? A. Nuclear fission. |
| #58 | (2 votes) |
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Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female. The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack" "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet" |
| #57 | (4 votes) |
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Q: What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs? A: A clit round the ear and a flap across the face |
| #56 | (4 votes) |
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If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have? Two foot of my cock in your ass. |
| #55 | (6 votes) |
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A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?" |
| #54 | (4 votes) |
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Q. Whats the difference between a wife and a girlfriend ? A. 3 Stone |
| #53 | (9 votes) |
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Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common? A. They can smell it but they cant eat it! |
| #52 | (6 votes) |
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If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? |
| #51 | (3 votes) |
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Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! |
| #50 |  (2 votes) |
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Q: Why was the washing machine laughing? A: Because it was taking the piss out the underpants. |
| #49 | (4 votes) |
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A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that. |
| #48 | (2 votes) |
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A french fry walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey, could I get a beer please" The bartender looks at him shaking his head and says "No, we don't serve food here" |
| #47 | (1 votes) |
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Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist? A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers. |
| #46 | (3 votes) |
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Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World. |
| #45 | (2 votes) |
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Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. |
| #44 | (1 votes) |
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Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion. |
| #43 | (5 votes) |
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Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel. They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies. The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?" |
| #42 | (4 votes) |
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Q. Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A. They can't get the laboratory mice to arse fuck. |
| #41 | (2 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the kid napping? A. Yeah, he woke up! |
| #40 | (6 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist? A. He got the sack. |
| #39 | (2 votes) |
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Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. |
| #38 | (2 votes) |
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A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife. |
| #37 | (4 votes) |
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Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her. |
| #36 | (3 votes) |
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Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat ME! |
| #35 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook. |
| #34 | (1 votes) |
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Q. Why don't women wear watches? A. There's a clock on the stove! |
| #33 | (5 votes) |
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Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breath through something so small?" |
| #32 | (5 votes) |
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Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve? A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam. |
| #31 | (2 votes) |
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Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later. |
| #30 | (7 votes) |
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Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get. |
| #29 | (5 votes) |
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Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic? A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass. |
| #28 | (12 votes) |
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Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny. |
