It's a Hard Life!
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too much, you're avoiding spending time with her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing lazy bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a promotion ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain and self absorbed.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're conceited.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If you're totally beat after a hard day's work, you don't give a crap about other people's needs.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you're a complainer and don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
And that's the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
So help my wife.