Dirty Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris can impregnate you via anal or oral sex.

Chuck Norris is required to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

One night Chuck Norris had a pissing contest outside of a bar. He won when his opponents drowned.

in 1974 Chuck Norris was charged with killing 15 students during a school shooting...with a spitball

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris doesn't pay for sex. Sex pays for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris became a 5 time Olympic gold medalist in pole vaulting using only his penis.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

Chuck Norris visited the "virgin" islands...... when he left it was renamed to the islands.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its scientific term: Jupiter.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

Lindsay Lohan once put a hickey on one of Chuck Norris' hemorrhoids.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 55 minutes having sex with his waitress.