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Clean Chuck Norris Jokes

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
By: Erica Worthen - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.
By: beeswax8v - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris can't get through his steak breakfast without a fifth of whiskey.
By: arrandahu - 05-12-2012
Mosses did not parted the Red Sea. Chuck Norris did. The Bible got confused because Mosses and Chuck Norris sound so much alike.
By: Donna Avalos - 05-12-2012
If Chuck Norris is running late, time slows down. It knows better.
By: sengibona3s - 09-12-2012
Chuck Norris has only farted once. The last time that he did, the universe was created.
By: Paytondq - 10-05-2012
One time cancer got a terminal case of Chuck Norris.
By: hysmudiadxl - 10-14-2012
chuck norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
By: ashtray - 04-03-2012
Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.
By: lecochondindea9 - 04-29-2012
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
By: Lay - 04-29-2012
Chuck Norris uses a floor buffer to polish his massive testicles.
By: orphiousjonesuq - 04-29-2012
"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
By: bolrwthfd - 04-29-2012
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
By: Capalbovi - 04-29-2012
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
By: Advoniknigney - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
By: Myrtle Caswell - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
By: andyvioletdf - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris was born in the log cabin he built himself.
By: Steve Swiger - 05-12-2012
Before snapping your neck, Chuck Norris will tell you the best shampoo you should have used.
By: Anonymous - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.
By: spulenvb - 05-12-2012
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
By: Randy Koester - 05-16-2012