A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that, number 1, you have to be single and number 2, you must be Catholic."
The ! cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a passionate kiss. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me for I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Once, a very short man decided to open a restaurant, but he couldn't think of a name for it. He remembered how he always liked to dress up for Halloween, so he decided to call the restaurant "Hell's Kitchen," and he would always wear large plastic devil horns whenever he greeted people.
One day, the restaurant's caramel custard won an award for best dessert. At the awards ceremony, which was held at the restaurant, they were to make a custard for the guests to sample, but, just then, disaster struck. "Sir," a kitchen hand said to the manager, "the decorative display for the custard broke." "What!?" exclaimed the manager. "You'll have to get a new one." And they did, but it too broke. They went through three more, until they found the last one in the restaurant.
The audience loved it, and the next day, a newspaper story told about Custard's Last Stand at Little Bighorn's.
You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. --Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. --Conan O'Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser. --Jay Leno
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. --David Letterman
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --David Letterman
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull in to the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
On Halloween night the door bell rings, and a man answers it.
Here stands this plain but well dressed kid, saying, "Trick or Treat!"
The man then asks the kid what he's dressed up as. The kid says "I'm an IRS agent." The kid then proceeds to take 28% of the man's candy, leaves, and doesn't say Thank You.
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
