Funniest Elephant Jokes
How do you catch an orange elephant?
I don't know. I've never seen an orange elephant.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Works pretty well, doesn't it?
Q: How are an elephant and a plum the same?
A: They're both purple, except for the elephant.
A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when a policeman arrived.
"My God!" the policeman gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was jumped on by an elephant. Are you OK Miss?"
"Yes, Officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?"
"That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
"No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question.
His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's pen*s, son."
"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
Q: How do you catch a red elephant?
A: With a red elephant trap.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?
An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird?
A: A gulp. It's like a swallow, only bigger.
How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?
Step one: Open the door. Step two: Put the elephant in. Step three: Close the door.
Q: If an elephant and a giraffe had a race, who would win?
A: The elephant. The giraffe is in the refrigerator.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?
A: An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
How do you fit an elephant in a safeway bag?
Take the S out of safe, and the F out of way.... Oh wait, there's no f'in way!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
A: Nothing. He just let out a little wine.
How does an elephant climb a tree?
He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up.
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
Nothing. He just let out a little wine.
How do you catch an elephant?
You dig a hole fill it with ashes and when the elephant walks by kick him in the ash hole!
Q.How Do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 simple steps
A.Open the fridge, put in the elephant, close the fridge