Funniest Dirty Dentist Jokes
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his pants and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist!"
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they've finished, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "The best there is! How did you figure that out?"
She says "I didn't feel a thing!"
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?"
Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.
Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.
When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way
Question: How did Christopher Columbus finance his trip to America ? Answer: With the Discover Card.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9&11 am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On a menu in a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On a menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience we recommend coourteous, effecient self-service.
In a Bangkok cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Hong Kong dress shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter.
In Germany's Black Forest: It is strickly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married for that purpose.
An ad by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven tours--we guarantee no miscarriages.
Ad for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass?
On a faucet in a Finnish restroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.
On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop--Drive sideways.
Swiss mountain inn: Special today--no ice cream.
Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
Tokyo bar: Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.
Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run.
Japanese instructions on an air conditioner: Cooles & Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
Car rental brochure in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking; Here speeching American.
A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic: No smoothen the lion.
A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
A notice in a Japanese hotel: Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please not to read notice.
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No?"
"Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."
And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"