A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $250.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price difference for the Politician?"
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of sh*t, it takes all morning."
Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies.
"Buy a puppy Ma'am?" asks the lad.
"Oh no sorry," says Mrs. Clinton. " We have a cat already you know."
"But they are Democrat puppies, Ma'am" asserts the enterprising lad.
Clinton smiles, but again declines. The boy nods, Clinton jogs on.
The next day Clinton is jogging by the same spot. There again is the boy still trying to sell the puppies. As Clinton jogs by she over hears the youth telling the potential customer, "But sir these are Republican puppies."
Clinton stops & says "Young man yesterday you told me those were Democrat puppies, and today you are saying they are Republican puppies"
"Well Yes Ma'am," the child says.
Hillary then asks " well, if they were Democrat puppies yesterday, how could they be Republican puppies today"?
" Well Ma'am, " explains the child. " Since then they opened their eyes."