Funniest Celebrity Jokes
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
They had to build a second afterlife for all of the people Chuck Norris killed.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this mans blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone
If you catch Chuck Norris sleeping he will grant you one wish.... if your wish is dying.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Chuck Norris was kicked off the show "Extreme Couponing" the producers couldn't stand watching entire grocery chains file bankruptcy because of Chuck Norris.