Funniest Clean Celebrity Jokes
Chuck Norris once went through the Wendy's drive thru and ordered a Big Mac .......and got one.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
Despite whatever Gene Simmons says, Chuck Norris IS Doctor Love.
Chuck Norris easily won the Iditarod dog sled race by pulling a sled load of 16 dogs, 800 pounds of supplies and with a dead sperm whale chained behind it.
Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris can hit Mach 3 in his hot-air balloon.