Funniest Clean Celebrity Jokes
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.
Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
Chuck Norris house trained his dog by 1 roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone
Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
Chuck Norris once screamed "bloody murder" in sign language for the hearing impaired.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris still has more money than you.
The reason God began calling himself "God" was because the name "Chuck Norris" was already taken.