Funniest Clean Celebrity Jokes
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life...... unless it gets in his way.
All of the UFO sightings were just people seeing chuck Norris fly to McDonald's.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
In 1957 while in Elementary school Chuck Norris drew a sketch of a square apparatus with astonishing details. 50 years later, Apple used that same sketch to design and develop what we know now as... the ipad.
There is only one thing that could possibly stop Messi's unstoppable form Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick
FACT: You are having a birthday because Chuck Norris decided to let you live another year!
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder.
Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees...... Celsius.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Chuck Norris.
After his wedding, Chuck Norris sent "You're Welcome" cards to all of his guests.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after Chuck Norris gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.