Funniest Clean Celebrity Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this mans blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
Chuck Norris died yesterday. He's fine today.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.