Funniest Clean Baby Jokes

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me.

Hey baby, you keep running through my mind... naked.

How much?

They say nature is the greatest teacher. Wanna see what a doggy taught me?

Do you know karate, cause your body is kickin.

Do you have a map....I just keep getting lost in your eyes

Hi.....I make more money than you can spend.

The voices in my head is asking for your number, he's kinda shy.

Hey Sweetz what time do you get OFF? ???? Can I watch or do you need a hand???

I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?

SHOW ME your melons and I let you play with my balls.

Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

Just got a snake bite on my weiner, care to suck out the poison?

That's a nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?

Well? show me your's and then i'll show you mine.

My lips are chapped could I rub my lips against yours to moisten them?

Do u wash your pants with windex? because i can really see myself in them.

I may not be fred flintstone, but i can sure make your bed rock.

I wish u were a screen door, so i can slam u all day long.

My weiner is cold, can he hide inside you?

Can I have your picture?.. So I can show santa what I want for christmas!

You spend so much time in my dreams I should charge rent!

Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need another drink?

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?

If I bit my lip would you kiss it better?
1 3 3 -3
1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3· Life is sexually transmitted.

4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it Normal .

11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever Comes out'?

13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

20· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
0 0 0 0
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"
0 6 6 -6
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"
-1 13 13 -13
A baby was born with the ability to talk.

The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?"

"Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!"

"Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my doctor?"

"Yes, I am!" says the doctor.

"Well, I just wanted to thank you," says the baby, "for taking such good care of me during the delivery."

"You're very welcome," says the doctor.

The baby looks around the room and says, "Hey, are you my father?"

Overcome with pride, his dad says, "Yes, I am!"

The baby says, "Come here for a minute. I want to show you something. Bend down." The father complies, and the baby starts poking him in the forehead. "How does that feel?! Hurts, doesn't it?"
-2 2 2 -2
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we start wearing rubbers."

And the congregation said, "Amen"
-2 6 6 -6
Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Which one was bigger?
The baby. It was a little Bigger.
-2 4 4 -4
Q: Where do baby cows go to eat lunch?
A: At the calf-eteria.
-2 6 6 -6
Facebook Twitter Google Plus
Contact Us | Bug Report | Privacy Policy