All Funniest Clean Jokes
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
Q: Why are manhole covers round?
A: Because if they were square, you couldn't play twiddlywinks with them.
When does a bed grow longer?
At night, because two feet are added to it.
1st Police Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Police Officer: "Who?"
1st Police Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Police Officer: "What did she do? Was she speeding?"
1st Police Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time).
They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21" and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled "34" and another roar of laughter rose up.
Phil, confused about this asked his friend "Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out" His friend said, well we've been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number".
Phil nodded and said "Can I try?"
His friend nodded and Phil called out "121" and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn't die down for at least another 15 minutes after.
"Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?" Phil asked. His friend said with a small chuckle "We haven't heard that one before."
What did the white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line.
How is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
A local man was found murdered in his home in California over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
The tub had been filled with milk and corn flakes, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.
Q: Why was the young bear so spoiled?
A: Because his mother "panda'd" to his every whim!
A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "Four?"
"Four?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"