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Clean Anti Jokes

Your mom's so old, she's probably going to die soon.
By: Evjaobrile - 07-14-2012
How do you stop a ginger from drowning?
You throw him a lifesaver and tell him to grab on to it.
By: Evjaobrile - 07-14-2012
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he was hit by a bus.
By: Anonymous - 05-06-2011
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's dead.
By: Rosie Dillon - 06-05-2012
Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
By: David Ritter - 05-06-2011
Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire?

A: He got arrested just like you would've.
By: Brandon Mcdermott - 05-13-2012
a blonde a brunette and a redhead all went hunting.

After setting up camp the brunette went out and came back with a deer. They said "wow how did you get that?" She said "I followed the tracks and BOOM I shot it".

The redhead went out and came back with a moose. The other two said "Wow! How did you get that?!" She said "I followed the tracks and BOOM, I shot it"

The blonde went out and came back all scratched up and bloody they said "Wow! What happened?!?!" and she said "I followed the tracks and BOOM I got hit by a train!"
By: jayna - 12-28-2012
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?
By: empeguelb - 04-29-2012
Q: Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?

A: Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for any human.
By: elurcemubhu - 05-06-2011
There are two muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "It sure is hot in here". The other muffin says, "Yeah like 350, 375".
By: hamtapewa0o - 04-27-2011
What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

we are both lawyers
By: mytecexp9y - 05-06-2011
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?

I dont know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.
By: Stella Kyles - 05-06-2011
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
By: Regina Buss - 05-06-2011
There's this guy named Jacob. His favorite color is green.
He drives a green car, he has a green house, he lives in Greensboro.
One day, he's out driving in the middle of nowhere when he realizes that he's about to run out of gas.
He spots a green gas station up ahead and thinks to himself "That gas station is my favorite color, so I'll go get gas there."
After he fills his car up he sees that it's getting late outside so he looks around for a hotel he can stay at.
Sure enough, there's a green hotel right across the street.
He thinks to himself "That hotel is my favorite color, so I'll stay there for the night."
He drives across the street to the hotel and walks into the lobby where he is greeted by the clerk.
Jacob asks if there are any rooms left and the clerk responds, "You're just in time, we have only three rooms left but they are all on the 9,999th floor."
Jacob reluctantly takes the key to the room and walks up the 9,999 flights of stairs when he realizes that he left his luggage in the lobby.
He walks down the 9,999 flights of stairs, grabs his luggage, walks back up the 9,999 flights of stairs and enters his room.

There's this guy named Mason. His favorite color is red.
He drives a red car, he has a red house, he lives in Redding.
One day, he's out driving in the middle of nowhere when he realizes that he's about to run out of gas.
He spots a red gas station up ahead and thinks to himself "That gas station is my favorite color, so I'll go get gas there."
After he fills his car up he sees that it's getting late outside so he looks around for a hotel he can stay at.
Sure enough, there's a green hotel right across the street.
He thinks to himself "That hotel isn't my favorite color, but I'll stay there since there are no other hotels around."
He drives across the street to the hotel and walks into the lobby where he is greeted by the clerk.
Mason asks if there are any rooms left and the clerk responds, "You're just in time, we have only two rooms left but they are both on the 9,999th floor."
Mason reluctantly takes the key to the room and walks up the 9,999 flights of stairs when he realizes that he left his car running.
He walks down the 9,999 flights of stairs, turns his car off, walks back up the 9,999 flights of stairs and enters his room.

There's this guy named William. His favorite color is blue.
He drives a blue car, he has a blue house, he lives in Blueville.
One day, he's out driving in the middle of nowhere when he realizes that he's about to run out of gas.
He spots a blue gas station up ahead and thinks to himself "That gas station is my favorite color, so I'll go get gas there."
After he fills his car up he sees that it's getting late outside so he looks around for a hotel he can stay at.
Sure enough, there's a green hotel right across the street.
He thinks to himself "That hotel isn't my favorite color, but I'll stay there since there are no other hotels around."
He drives across the street to the hotel and walks into the lobby where he is greeted by the clerk.
William asks if there are any rooms left and the clerk responds, "You're just in time, we have only one room left but it's on the 9,999th floor."
William reluctantly takes the key to the room and walks up the 9,999 flights of stairs when he realizes that he left his cat in the car.
He walks down the 9,999 flights of stairs, gets his cat, walks back up the 9,999 flights of stairs and enters his room.

The next morning, Jacob wakes up and walks down the 9,999 flights of stairs to go eat breakfast.
He gets a bowl of Fruit Loops, walks up the 9,999 flights of stairs and goes into his room.

Then, Mason wakes up and walks down the 9,999 flights of stairs to go eat breakfast.
He makes some waffles, walks up the 9,999 flights of stairs and goes into his room.

Then, William wakes up and walks down the 9,999 flights of stairs to go eat breakfast.
He gets a bowl of Fruit Loops, walks up the 9,999 flights of stairs and goes into his room.

The moral of the story?
People prefer Fruit Loops to waffles 2 to 1
By: Evjaobrile - 06-22-2012
Knock knock.

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To whom.
By: Dennis Red - 05-06-2011
Two black guys go into a convenience store, Pay for their stuff and leave.
By: vbybcj - 05-14-2011
A Jew, a black man, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Englishman, an American, and a Muslim walk into a bar.

They discuss their racial, political and religious opinions and walk away after a pleasant evening.
By: Erika Goodall - 05-13-2012
Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor? Because he had no arms or legs. Why? Because he is a potato.
By: anaefenueaw - 11-28-2011
How do you stop a ginger from drowning?

Take your foot off the back of his head.
By: Peter Overturf - 05-24-2012
There's an Irishman, a Jew, and a homosexual standing at a bar.

What a fine example of an integrated community.
By: kwyningmj - 05-11-2011